"...In whatever situation I am to be content."
Phillipians 4:11 b
I used to squeak past this verse whenever I read Phillipians. I don't mean that I wasn't content, it's just I didn't give it much thought. Enter married life. A few months into our marriage I wanted to have a baby. I wanted my husband to have a different job. I wanted security. After we became pregnant my life was consumed with all things baby related. I thought, "After we have this baby maybe Erik will have a different job and we will be so happy."
We had Jack, and thought we might need to sell our home so we could get away from the job that wasn't turning out to be all that we had hoped it would be. We frantically began working on our home. Tearing out floors, replacing dated structures, and basically living in a work zone for several months. All so we could "begin" our lives. Anna came on the scene, and after she was born we waited for our house to sell. That was the only way I could foresee us being satisfied.
Well God in His Sovereignty didn't sell our house, but we did get pregnant with Lily. Erik did get out of his dead end job. But we're still in the waiting game. I'm constantly thinking, "When Erik's done with school, everything will be good.", "When Jack's old enough to do some things on his own, life will be so much easier." "Won't it be nice when we're done having children, Erik has his career, and I'm homeschooling all of them? Doesn't that paint just the sweetest little picture?"
I've been very convicted the last few weeks to stop looking ahead. Because, quite frankly tomorrow isn't even guaranteed. I want my days to be structured around the here and now, and not constantly structured around the next thing. I don't want to look back on the days my kids were small with regrets for how I spent my time worrying and not enough time pointing myself and them to Christ. This is not easy for anyone, but I think it's especially hard when you have little kids. I feel like I'm always looking to the next thing. I'll think when the laundry is done, I'll read you that story! And then someone needs their diaper changed.
But, difficult or not, Scripture is clear that being content is how we are suppose to live. No matter how tempting it is to look ahead to the future and be excited about the possibility of things being easier, I want to be content with todays circumstance. It's a choice I have to make every day, but it can be done by relying on God's strength.