In Which I Eat My Words

This morning it took me an hour to unload my dishwasher. An hour. To unload a dishwasher! It was a crazy morning, but truthfully this is becoming normal around here. As soon as I start, someone needs their diaper changed, someone else needs discipline, and on it goes. Before I know it it's 11 o'clock in the morning and the breakfast dishes are still on the table, and Max is up from his morning nap needing to nurse. I'll be honest with you and say that there's been more than a few occasions where I've buried my head in my hands and and said, "This. is. Insane."

And it is. I think every mother can relate to feeling this way. Having little kids is hard work. It's give, give, and more give and it doesn't matter if you have anything left to give. It's constant reliance on Christ to get you through the day. This season of life is fun, and beautiful, and there are many cute moments I want to hold on to, but I'd be lying if I pretended it was all rainbows and butterflies. The truth is that I have never been more aware of my need for a Savior since becoming a mom.

And here is where I sigh and reminisce about Erik and I's younger years. Back then we would tell people we wanted a big family, and how we wanted to home school, and probably even adopt one day. Most people would laugh at us and make comments about how their two kids were more than enough. And I would smile politely, but inside I was prideful. Inside I was saying things like, " Ah, yes, the boy for me a girl for you and thank the Lord we're finally through attitude.Well that's fine for them, but I love children. God says children are a blessing. I am so glad I don't have that attitude."

And now here I am, laughing at myself, but wishing I still had some of my former confidence. Please hear me, though. I love my children. I adore the life God has blessed me with, and I absolutely believe children are a blessing from God. Erik and I still have the same convictions, and by God's grace we will see them through. Actually, it's only by God's grace we will see anything through, or do anything remotely good in our parenting.

And that's the truth. I can't be the wife or mother I want to be in my own strength. Praise God for His all sufficient grace!

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.....For when I am weak  then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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