Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Young Marriage

Awhile ago I was making small talk with another woman. Somehow the subject came up that I hadn't finished college. When I was asked why I said it was because after Erik and I had been married for about a year and a half we were blessed with Jack, and I wanted to be a stay at home mom more than I wanted to finish school.

The lady shook her head, and chuckled saying, "I bet you'd be disappointed if your daughters made those same decisions!"

Shocked I told her that we would just have to wait and see what God had planned for my girls. But obviously it bothered me what she said.

When I look back on getting engaged to Erik at 19, and then married at twenty I have absolutely no regrets. I can still remember people being surprised that we were getting married because we wanted to. We were crazy about each other. Many people told us we were too young, we should live together first-even Christians were telling us this!-and we should experience life before settling down too quickly. I realize these people had our best interests at heart, but it makes me sad that such a negative attitude exists towards marriage. Especially young marriages.

Were our early days of marriage difficult? At times, yes. We've certainly had our tough times. I'm sure you can imagine the stress we've been under first experiencing a job layoff(when I was pregnant with Lily), and then Erik going back to school full time with very little income coming in(Lily and Max were both born during this time.)

But who is to say things would've been any easier if we had waited to get married? I've only been married for close to six years, but I think it's safe to say every married couple goes through trials. These trials have strengthened our marriage, but more importantly they've drawn us closer to God.

More than likely, one day Lily and Anna are going to want to get married. It might not happen when they're 19, but it very well could. And honestly if they're walking with the Lord and wanting to stay pure, how on earth could I be disappointed in that decision?

Marriage is hard work. It's certainly not something to be taken lightly, but it also shouldn't be looked upon as a death sentence, especially among other Christians. I don't know what the future holds for my daughters when it comes to marriage, but I want to do my best to show them that marriage is one of the greatest blessings the Lord gives his children.



  1. I also married my husband at 20. I feel so unbelievably blessed to have my found my husband so early in life!! Though, getting married young is much more common within the military, it still comes with it's unwelcome and annoying stigmas. I wish people would look beyond our age to the reason we got married!

  2. We didn't get married young but married in college. I was accepted into the nursing program I'd been trying so long for, at the same time he was accepted into a distinguished Master's program 2 states away. I left behind my opportunity for his (my family was not pleased). It hasn't always been easy but I think a life led by love is blessed by God. And I would have been miserable as a nurse!

  3. Great post! I was also engaged at 19 and married at 20 (but God has only blessed us with two kids in the past 7 years =) I always hated the "You still have time to back out!" line...especially from Christians! It really bothers me when people poke fun at what God has so clearly established and called good. Good for you for being a light to the world!

  4. Wow awesome I love this post I was married at 19 baby boy at 20 everyone said we were crazy no support at all ! But God is amazing we are so in love now more then ever tomorrow will be our 5 year anniversary Praise God
    What god put together let man not separate Amen
    New follower

  5. Couldn't agree more. I met my husband at 18, got engaged at 20, and got married at 21 (with one year of college left). I finished college the next year and that same week found out I was pregnant with our first child. So I got my diploma and put it in a box and became a full-time wife and homemaker and eventually a mom and homeschooler. I went against the grain but I wouldn't change it. My husband and I have been married for 7 1/2 years, experienced college, grad school, graduation, first jobs, bought and sold homes, been up and down with money, experienced the live births of 2 sons, a still birth of one daughter, a miscarriage, multiple surgeries, a cancer scare, deaths in the family, and other everyday life struggles. Christ is the center, foundation, and focus of our marriage, home, and life. That is all that matters. Age is just a number. I would rather put the things first that matter - Christ, marriage, and family, not career, money, fame, or other things that the world seems to put emphasis on. :) God Bless you!

  6. Absolutely LOVE this post! I married young, too (not quite 20, my husband is 8 years my senior) and we'll be married 6 years in June. I received SO much negativity from the older generation (who I thought would be more encouraging)... If I had a nickle for every person who gave me grief over not going to college or for every young man who ridiculed my desire to be a homemaker, I could pay for my kids to go to college themselves. We didn't wait the "norm" to have kids, and that came with it's own slew of raised eyebrows and opinions, of course. Somewhere along the lines you just want to stand on a soapbox and ask the general populous when the FAMILY unit became a minority? Is there so much uncertainity and doubt amongst our young people that they can't be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's leading when they meet The One? It's frustrating, and it's disheartening, and it drives a Mama to her knees in prayer for the future of her children.

  7. Fantastic post! I couldn't agree with you more. We got engaged at age 19 hoping for a wedding right away but our parents bullied us into being engaged for a year (which presented a whole host of struggles and frustrations...sigh). We got married in college at ages 20 and 21, don't regret it in the least. We received so much criticism from our families and definitely heard the "You should live together, experience the world before you settle" thing from more than one Christian. It was such a bummer to hear that all the time, but we got married and happily moved into our tiny apartment. Three months before I graduated (seven months into our marriage) at age 22 I found out I was pregnant. I was excited but my mother was absolutely livid. My water broke at 31 weeks and our daughter was born prematurely at 34 weeks. We did the difficult NICU thing for a few weeks and her early months were scary at times, and my husband attended school full-time and worked full-time through all of that. We didn't crumble, Christ upheld us continually and I am so thankful for His power in our life. It took a long time for our families to realize that we are trusting in God and not "things", and I believe it's been a great witness to them. I'll stop rambling but thank you again for this post. I hope other young couples read what you have written and are encouraged! :)

  8. Kendra,
    I loved reading your testimony! Praise the Lord you were able to get through such a difficult time, and it's awesome to hear that the Lord is using it as a witness to your family. Thank you for stopping by!

  9. Thanks for sharing this!! I couldn't agree more. My hubby and I met when I was 16 and he was 18. We got married when I was 19 and he was 21. I have never regretted our decision! We had MANY well meaning people in our life who just couldn't understand why we would want to get married so young. So many encouraged us to live together first. But we did what we knew the Lord was leading us to and it was the best decision we ever made! Did we struggle financially? You bet ya!! But money isn't everything!!

    Thanks for sharing this! So glad to have found your blog :)

  10. I was married at 19 and have been married for 9 years now. I really dislike the way our culture paints the picture of marriage like it's a death sentence, when really it's the other way around. Sometimes I actually regret finishing college before having children...meaning I just regret going to college at all! My life didn't start until I had a family.

  11. I got married at 33 ... University, worked, travelled with friends, bought a house, met my husband then got married. I did not meet anyone till my 30's that "clicked". It's how it worked out. Now we have two children (open adoptions) ... kids are almost 9 and 6.5yrs. I don't wish it were different, though I do wish I was a bit of a younger parent for our kids' sake. I hope my daughter finishes her schooling first and is able to be financially independant. HOWEVER ... I totally see your point of view and life experience as positive too.
    After dropping off our kids at school yesterday morning some moms were talking and it came up that there are so many (men and women) in retail with University degrees working outside their field. Not that the education was a waste ... but lots of debt and for some, it did not lead to work they like. Higer Education is definitely not the be-all-and-end-all nor the "ticket" to a rewarding job.
    IF my daugter choses the path you take ... you post has helped me see that perspective better. Thank you!
    MariaG (Canada)


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