I've lost my Mind

That's how I feel every single day of my life. I walk into a room, and I can't remember why I'm in there. My kids go down for a nap, and there's so many things that I want to get done that I end up starting one task and only finishing it half way before beginning another. My purse winds up in the freezer. I write something down so I won't forget, only to forget where I placed the piece of paper. I've been known to give a sippy cup to my husband, and hand a fork to the toddler.

One time I was filling out a form, and when it asked for my first name I instinctively wrote,"Mommy."

There was even one time where I thought I'd lost a child, only to realize I was holding the "missing" child. Yes, please don't judge me too harshly.

 What is going on? What has happened to my brain?! I'm not pregnant, I'm getting a full night of sleep(most of the time), and I'm taking care of myself.

 And then I remember the four little people I take care of every day, and I remember this little thing called "Mommy Brain."

I've heard it's normal for this season of life. That it's temporary.

Here's hoping that's true.. and even if it's not, that I can at least start remembering my own name.

My Surprise Stuggle

Whew, it has been a rough week around here. One of those weeks where I have felt completely helpless. One of my kids has been having a tough time going to sleep(i.e. screaming for over an hour at bed time and nap time plus waking up in the middle of the night inconsolably crying.) That coupled with the normal issues that come with having small children has been enough to push every button I have!

You know I never thought of myself as someone who really struggled with anger until I had kids. I found it "interesting" the other morning when I sat down to read my Bible that this was the first verse my eyes fell upon:

"Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly." Proverbs 14:29


I remember highlighting that verse years ago, but now it takes on a whole new meaning. How am I responding when my kids don't share their toys? What about when someone throws a tantrum? More times than I care to admit I get angry. I yell and get annoyed about teaching the same lessons over and over again.

And then I feel guilty and condemned because I've messed up yet again.

But you know what? My kids do not need a perfect mom. They need to see me repenting to them when I've messed up, they need to hear me say how much I need Jesus' grace just like they do. I certainly don't want them to think of me as perfect(and after this week, I seriously doubt they do...)

That's not to say I have a free ticket to allow my emotions to control me. But the more I learn to walk in grace, the easier it will be to respond to my children in love and not anger.

P.S. For a hilarious description of what this past week has been like for my hubby and I, check out my hubby's blog!

Something I'm Trying to Remember

"So while your children are still little, cultivate an attitude of sacrifice. Sacrifice your peace for their fun, your clean kitchen floor for their help cracking eggs, your quiet moment for their long retelling of a dream that a friend of theirs allegedly had. Prioritize your children far and away above the other work you need to get done. They are the only part of your work that really matters."
From Loving The Little Years, Rachel Jankovic

A Heart Check

Every morning at breakfast, I try to read to my kids from their Bible. This doesn't always happen, but it's always my goal. This week, especially with Easter coming up, I wanted to really focus on stories about Jesus.

Yesterday morning, I read to the children about the woman who breaks an expensive jar of perfume in order to anoint Jesus. The kids seemed to really get into the story, and they especially liked the part where the woman broke the jar. Probably says something about my kids, and their tendency to destroy anything that comes into their possession. Anyways..

Awhile later, I discovered Jack pouring his full glass of milk all over the table. And like every good mother does, I got really annoyed that he would do something that he knows full well he's not suppose to do(insert sarcasm here.) I told him to go get a towel and to clean that mess up, and that I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to trust him to drink out of a big boy cup that day. And without really thinking about what I was saying I asked him why he was spilling his milk in the first place.

"Because of the lady, mommy." Jack said in his sweet voice.

I was confused. What lady?

"You know the lady in the story who poured stuff on Jesus. I was just trying to be like her."

Oh. That lady.

And then I was reminded how important it is to see the heart behind what my children are doing. Yes there are definitely times that they are being plain disobedient. But there are also times that they are just being children. I don't want to assume the worst in my kids. Because if I'm always assuming the worst, eventually it's going to hurt the relationship I have with them.

Finding out what's going on in our children's hearts is a lot of work. But something tells me that one day it will be worth it.

My Ambitious Babes

A few weeks ago at dinner we were asking the kids what they wanted to be when they grew up. Here's what they said:

Jack: A garbage truck driver or a doctor.

Anna: A fire chief, a nurse, or a mommy.

Lily: A big girl, or a mommy. :)

When asked what Max was going to be when he grew up, I was met with confused looks, and told Max wasn't going to grow up. He was going to stay a baby. *Sigh* if only that were true...

And speaking of ambitions, here's something for the rest of you to make fun of me about. Heaven knows I haven't heard the end of it from my husband( and now my dad!) A couple of Fridays ago, on our date night, Erik and I were having a romantic evening. We got to talking about our future and what our goals were. Aside from the obvious things, like wanting to buy a house one day and hoping to be more secure financially, Erik also mentioned his desire to travel and do some mission work once our kids were older.

And that's when he asked me if I had any other ambitions or goals that he didn't know about.

Now before I tell you what I said, please keep in mind that as far hopes and dreams go, I'm living them. I've always wanted to be a wife and mom. Ever since I became a Christian, my heart has been that I wanted to be a homemaker, and take care of my family. You also need to understand that I am loving learning to eat healthier, and I'm always trying to figure out ways to stretch our budget in order to buy quality food.

So when asked what my goals were the first thing that popped out of my mouth was,"I just really want to be able to buy really nice meat."

And I haven't heard the end of it ever since.

Yes, my husband wants to travel and spread the gospel in other countries.

And I want to be able to buy "really nice meat."